My side.

I realise that social media paints a pleasant picture of life; breezy, light and smiley. We want people to see the perfect painting but no one gets to see the process and the hard work behind the agonisingly meticulous strokes that brought the painting to life. 
Everything that is valuable in life comes with a cost. The higher the cost, the greater the value. Today's generation unfortunately expects doors and opportunities to fly open and gifts to be simply handed to them by the ones that have paid the price, counted the cost and ran the race to get to where they are. I know Jesus handed us salvation but we are the ones that have to walk it out. And how we walk through life shows a lot about how much we value that free gift of salvation.

I never want to be the “artist" that makes the picture of life seem effortless and deny the beauty of the process; the tears and the pain. I have come to realise that I may have painted a "pretty" picture of how these last few years have been for us. I have spent time writing about our journey and less about our walk. At the end of the day which actually matters more? And please accept my apology for that picture coming across as “perfect” and effortless. 

I wanted this to be a blog about the depths of my heart. So, aside from Pete’s time at school and his internship, I wanted to let you in on my world :) I am not afraid to show you the caverns of my heart: the good things and the hard things. I have learnt that vulnerability is a weapon and not a shameful black cloak. Our testimony is a living sword, our words create and the way we live brings forth life. 

So here are a few things that I have walked through these past few years (and sometimes crawled through) LSSH (Lisa’s Supernatural School of her own Heart) - couldn’t resist. 

As you know, I haven’t done school. I have stayed at home with my girls and I homeschool them in character, academics, values and through life in general. When we arrived in the USA I navigated our world and became familiar with my new surroundings. I have created a home. I do lots of cleaning and laundry. I hunt for good food deals and I feed my family. And in between all this, I school my own heart with my teacher - Holy Spirit. I am writing this in obedience and allowing God to do what He does best :)

During the first year of our time in Redding I felt very insecure and left out. I felt like my role in this journey was invisible and insignificant. I believed the lie that this season was all for Pete and I had to stand on the side and support him like a "good" wife should (which is partly true but isn’t that what the enemy does? Twist the truth and deny us of power?) 
After a few months resentment started to build up on my heart like mould. After a while that mould started infiltrating my actions, my speech and my thinking. The character of an orphan mentality resembles  the character of mould - it gets in everywhere and it is dangerous to your health. Self pity, anger, loneliness, a victim mentality, complaining, insignificance etc etc - it all comes attached and its yucky!!! It all stems from the same place - fear. 
The funny thing about this orphan mentality is that it views other's successes as your failure and when others are blessed you only see your lack. It paralyses your joy and makes you feel like you are totally abandoned. It barricades your heart from any source of hope and love. Nasty!! Who would want that!? And yet only we allow it in. I agreed with a lie and suddenly I had uninvited filthy guests.
It came to a point one afternoon when I got on my knees and asked God to forgive me and to speak to me. The lies had become so loud. 
But OH! When He speaks!!! …..And He did. He spoke firmly and gently like only He can. 

“When did the YES of man become more important than my YES for you? Do you not know who you are and how my pleasure covers you everyday? My love is not blind or deaf. I heard your 'yes' to me when you were 14, I saw the line you drew in the sand. Now stand up out of entitlement, dust yourself off and walk in that 'yes'.You are my child! Act like one!” 

Wow! Tail between my legs - but in a good way. I felt His love cover me like honey and all my defence broke.
I wish I could say the thoughts and pain melted away, but they didn’t. 
This is the thing: We can do hard things! We are not robots controlled by God. We can partner with Him because we are powerful! 
This process involved me making a decision to step into the YES I said to God 16 years ago; the yes that said “I will go and I will do anything. Seen or unseen, my life is Yours.” 
I had to make that decision EVERYDAY!
I chose to see the things that I do daily as if it were worship to God with flags and beautiful dance moves - except all I had was a broom and I lift my hands to hang up the laundry :) But it was different and it felt different because I knew I was doing what He wanted me to do. I felt powerful and free because what I did mattered to the only One worth pleasing. All of a sudden it was as if Heaven’s attention had been drawn to me because my actions began to reflect faith and hope. God responds to faith and I felt His pleasure on what I was doing. 

In September 2014 I felt God challenge me further.

“ Lisa you have permission to be fully you and to step into all that I have created you to be. But with this comes a cost. Many are called but few are chosen because few are willing to pay the price. 
Are you willing to let go of your old mindset? Are you willing to steward My truth and train your mind, thoughts and actions to partner with truth? Are you willing to be disciplined with your words? Are you willing to choose Joy and thankfulness over loneliness and doubt? Are you willing to celebrate when others succeed? Are you able to love others when its not reciprocated? Can you trust Me with everything you have? Are you able to be generous when you have little, to love Me and worship me through the drought and through the rain? Will you chose to believe I am good in every circumstance?  This life is a marathon along a narrow road, its not a sprint on a freeway. Hold onto peace. See whats in front of you and be faithful with what I have given you right now.”
I said yes again. I cannot help but say Yes to Him over and over again. 

I made the decision since then to steward what I had been given in this season: two beautiful little girls. I get to offer my “two loaves and five small fish" to Him and see what He does. 

So often we get fixated on our dreams and our future. We want the “more” immediately and somehow forget to handle what he has given us now. We don’t want to pay the price and walk the hard roads. We resist the little steps. 

Imagine if a generation were given the “multitude” before they had been faithful with the little. Or if they had been given the pearl of great price without it costing them a dime. The cost is not a curse, its a beautiful offering that has eternity in mind.

I have my dreams: I want to write books, preach and teach. I want to prophesy and heal the sick. I want to raise the dead. I want to mother nations. But for now…I will mother my two. Right now I have an audience of two little hearts that I will preach to, prophesy over and pray for when they are sick or sad. My two little loaves named Amy and Katie :)

I don’t think we ever fully have life "sorted". Just  when we feel like we have done a good job, things flip and we feel like we have to start from scratch again…am I right? Well its not about the destination or the past. I have learnt that its actually about the process. And the process is the place that births the character, the strength and the skills we need to fulfil His call for us. Those impressive ministry titles, the stages with microphones and the recognition? What does it mean? 

I want to end this marathon knowing that the paths I chose led to His heart. I want to be the faithful steward, the one who sold everything I had to pay for the only pearl of great price. I want Him.

I am still running the marathon. That is what matters. 

Beginning the Third year.

Its our last day in South Africa.

This evening (12 August 2015) we board our plane at O.R Tambo airport and begin the 32 hour journey to Redding California where we will begin our third year at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry - an internship year with Steve and Wendy Backlund. 

We have been in South Africa for 11 weeks spending time with friends and family as well as organising and renewing our student visa for our up and coming year. The time with family has been incredible. There have been many moments of laughter, heartfelt conversations, tears and encouragement. The girls were reunited with all their cousins and so from sun up to sunset the air has been filled with laughter, songs and imaginary games. 
It has been so good to hear familiar accents and phrases. The taxis, the colours, the smells, all of this has felt comforting to us.

We began our time in South Africa with my sister and her beautiful family. We were welcomed at the arrival gate of the airport with hot Woolworths cappuccinos (thanks Mike). We received lots of hugs, gifts and wonderful South African food. The jet lag was short lived and we were in SA time within 4 days. From there we spent some quality time with my Dad and Mom in Pretoria before our trip down to Durban. 

The Durban winter is like paradise; warm days and cool evenings. We spent 7 weeks with Pete's family who live in Hillcrest, our "hometown". We also got to catch up with my brother and sister-in-law and met up with loads of friends. It was such a joy seeing everyone again. There were many beach visits and good coffee, GREAT coffee (my love language). The goodbyes have been emotional and tough but the excitement in our heart is great. 

Pete and I were able to share and minister into a few churches and home groups during our stay in Durban. During those moments we felt so alive! God confirmed and ignited something in our hearts - something we were born to do and that is to see people and churches awaken to the Kingdom and love of God. We feel so excited about the year ahead because we know that this year is going to be strategic and significant for us as a family.

Our last 2 weeks have been spent in Gauteng and today we begin the final packing and complete our last few admin details.
Last night we managed to secure an apartment in Redding. The one thing I have really desired is a small garden for the girls to play in. For the last two years we had a small gravel yard which allowed us to have some outside play, but I longed for some grass and a little tree...or something green :) Well, God gave us just that!! We found a place that is available and managed to send in an application and, with a lot of help from some special friends, we are able to sign the lease and move in on Friday. The only condition is that we have to pay 6 months worth of rent upfront - ouch! But let me share that side of our journey... 

We wanted to follow on from my last blog, "The shoreline of faith", and share a bit of our financial testimony. At the end of May we arrived back in South Africa with little less than R2000 in our bank account. With our South African savings we were able to live in the USA for 18 months - that in itself is a huge miracle! A huge part of our third year adventure is completely trusting God to provide for us financially. Even though it's an internship, we are still 'students' and therefore travel on student visas which makes it illegal to work in the USA and so this is yet another self funded (or God-funded) year.

I can be honest and say that my faith has wavered and has sometimes felt like it has been a rickety hut stilted on sinking sand :) especially watching the exchange rate hit a 15 year low at R12.80 to $1!!! (lets laugh at that!)
BUT He is the One who believes in us and He fulfils His promise. We just had to do our part and go. As I sit here I can truly testify of Gods goodness and His faithfulness. He is who He says He is and He is GOOD! We already have been given 70% of what we need for the year!! And we believe that the last 30% will come through. We feel totally humbled and grateful to everyone that has sown into our year and we know that, as we reap, you will too. Its just how God works :)

A few weeks after we arrive back in Redding, Pete will be travelling with Steve to Canada for two weeks on a ministry trip where they will be visiting different churches in and around Vancouver Island and mainland Vancouver. 

South Africa is an incredible nation, we have loved being back in our home country. We have so enjoyed eating the delicious food and soaking in the scenery but most of all connecting with friends and family who will forever have our hearts. 

Redding, here come....again :)

The Shoreline of Faith

In three weeks time we leave the USA and head back to South Africa and will be there for the months of June and July. Over the next couple of weeks we will be packing up our little home and storing our belongings for when we return in August to find a fresh little home for the new season ahead.  

We are so excited to return to South Africa to see family and friends that we have dearly missed. The talk about South Africa here is FULL of hope - people who have visited our country have come back bursting about what God is doing there. 

Next year:

After Pete had been invited onto Steve and Wendy Backlunds team we found out that two of our best friends (fellow South Africans) have also been invited onto the same internship team (viva South Africa!!) and so the celebrations continued. 

Steve Backlund runs a Church Leadership track (class) for second year BSSM students and Pete has attended this class in first and second year. He has loved it. Steve has asked Pete to lead the track next year. This is a huge honour as this particular track is known to be one of the more significant and impactful classes in the school. I know he will do a fantastic job.

Our hearts are feeling hopeful and excited about coming back to Redding for another year. We know that it is right and it is going to be a very important time for us. But while we celebrate and rejoice, we also have a sobering feeling that now more than ever, we need to lean in further and hear our Fathers voice about every step and every need. 

A vision of HOPE

Slowly but surely we have been following Jesus as He gently led us to the shoreline of faith. Here I stand on the soft lapping shore facing the roaring ocean and I have realised that we had been walking on wet sand up until now. All this time I thought we were walking on the water! 

This year we are stepping out into the waves and our eyes have to be locked onto His. What He says, we will say and what He does, we will do. 

When we fix our eyes on Jesus and seek first His Kingdom and righteousness, the things of this world grow strangely dim and before we know it, all ‘these things’ have been added to us. Before we know it, we have crossed the sea into the promise!

This is our vision for the next season of our lives and something God has given us to hold onto when and if we panic. (we plan on NOT panicking ha ha)

And with this, we have decided to be children of obedience. Listening ‘fist time’ as I so often say to my girls :)

Money honey

The biggest faith journey for the year ahead is finances. Lets face it, without money we can’t survive. For the last two years, 'our stepping out in faith' looked like using all our savings as well as trusting God to provide for the last few months of this year. Although this required huge amounts of faith to do, we have realised that it was more like walking on wet sand because, for the most part, we knew the money was 'in the bank’. But now that our personal finances have run dry, we see that we are now truly stepping out onto the water. We have had moments of extreme excitement about this and moments of doubt and stress…and a few tears ha ha. But it must be said that we are absolutely sure that staying another year is what God is wanting for us as a family - and He has confirmed it. This is what gives us great hope.

What I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, is that we are safe. We are children of God and HE IS GOOD! 

I don’t believe in a "bread line" Christianity, I believe that God provides everything we need to live and to give. I have always known God as a good provider. My parents are in full time ministry and still rely entirely on God for financial support. Growing up I saw my parents pray about every financial decision and trust God for every cent or penny. Money came in every time and we never lacked as a family. He is true and His word is true, His provision is unconditional and His resources are endless. The body of Christ defends, uplifts and supports one another - She is beautiful and healthy.

The vulnerable part :)

And so, through prayer and whilst looking into the eyes of Jesus to gain courage, we are being obedient to His voice. 

Pete and I have felt to make our needs known through this blog (see ‘Support' page). 

Vulnerability is scary and uncomfortable but I have seen how powerful it is - its a weapon of light, not humiliation.

Seeing ourselves through Jesus’ eyes has also shown us that we are worth investing in. What we carry is important and unique and its ONLY through His grace that we are who we are. Jesus is the reason, He is worthy of it all and so being humble doesn’t mean putting ourselves down or hiding ourselves and our needs. Humility means lifting our head and our hands and stepping up to the plate with a roaring “YES!!! I will go and I will do whatever it takes to make Him famous because our value and His love was worth Him dying on the cross.” 

This has been a very open and honest blog and our heart is to share our adventure with you openly and honestly. I really want to thank every person that reads this and cheers us on. Jesus is why we do what we do!

We felt to make our journey and needs known for the up and coming year and to offer an opportunity to anyone who would like to share in our journey and invest in us as a family prayerfully or financially. 

I have put together a “support page” on this blog with more specifics.

SEE YOU SOON SOUTH AFRICA! 

Its time to wake up and dream...

The American school year is into its final few months. Spring is here and Redding is looking gorgeous! 

Fresh and full of hope and life.

We have been in America for 20 months and Pete is about to complete his second year at BSSM. Second year has been incredible for us as a little family. There are so many stories we could tell and breakthroughs we could share. 

At the beginning of this school year I felt God speak to me about saying YES to Him and walking in His pleasure and destiny. Its all about Him and all this if for Him. Staying in His YES is the best place to be.

This time I feel God saying… “Lisa, Its time to wake up and dream.”

Whats next?

Over the last few months we have had a big question on our hearts. “God, whats next?” These two years have totally transformed us. We have been taken through valleys and have conquered mountains; stretched beyond what we thought was possible and have been loved more than we thought we were worthy of. God is SO good and this we know. 

He covers, empowers and applauds us and He LOVES it when we look to Him and take steps that require His strength and not our own. 

There is no fear in perfect love and nowhere we can go without Him. Saying YES to God requires everything, but the rewards totally outweigh the cost.

Pete and I decided to keep moving where our hearts were leading us. We both feel that our time here isn’t over and we need to stay in Redding for another year. 

Third year for BSSM is an internship program where students can work with and serve various pastors and staff members of Bethel Church. 

In our case we both felt that Pete should apply for an internship position with Steve Backlund. Pete recently went to Oklahoma City on a ministry trip with Steve and something exploded in his heart. We both felt that working with and under Steve would lead us into a part of our destiny.

This intern position is a very sought after position because Steve and Wendy Backlund are great mentors and carry an incredible message and ministry called Igniting Hope. Steve and Wendy are also linked with Global Legacy.

We decided that we would knock on this door and only this door. If it opens then we will step onto the water and if it doesn’t we will return back to South Africa and wait for further instruction. Our hearts were at peace either way.

Within a week we got the news. The door opened and Steve invited Pete onto his team! We consider it a massive privilege and we are very humbled and excited. We know its right.

We feel that this third year will be a very significant year for our family, as well as a strategic year to launch us into ministry. We have done two years of ministry training but NOW starts the activation and adventure.

What about the logistics?

As an international, being an intern still requires that we remain on an American student Visa, which means we can't work and earn any money during the year. Our visa's will have to be renewed over the summer (June and July), which means that our little family will be making the long trip back to South Africa to attend to the visa process as well as spend some much needed time with family and friends. 

These last two years have cost us everything and our South African funds will be dry for our next adventure. This means that we will be completely living by faith for our finances during our 10 month stay for third year. Normally this would scare me … but not anymore!  God is too good and His YES is big enough. 

Its going to be a good year.

I will be writing another blog with more detail about this.

The girls...

Our girls are flourishing like the flowers in spring. Amy will be turning 6 in October and Katie is 3 in July. My season here in Redding has been incredibly profound and I have been blessed so much even though I haven’t had the opportunity to attend BSSM. 

God has been gently training and shaping me in a secret place and I have noticed that every time I receive a breakthrough or a victory, my girls seem to walk straight into the blessing and favour of God. Being a mother is something incredibly important to me and I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to train my girls as I am trained by God. 

I plan to continue homeschooling Amy and Katie as well as being involved with Pete in his internship.

I also have some dreams of my own and I am excited to dream some more :) I feel like there is a rumbling in my spirit and something is about to explode. 

“Its time to wake up and dream."